I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
