K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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