There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
