i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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