Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
