I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
