He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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