I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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