There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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