Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize