My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
