Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
