saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
