i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
