She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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