well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
