I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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