Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
