dude i'm inner monologue high
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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