never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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