you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
