I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
