if i can run in heels then i can drive
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
