Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
