wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
