Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
