I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
