just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
