This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
