I want to walk on stilts...naked
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
