Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
