even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
