There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
