she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
