He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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