Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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