Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
