I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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