Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
