I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
