i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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