D3 body, D1 cock
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
