Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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