True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
