I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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