Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
