you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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