She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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