Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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