Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
