Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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