i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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