I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think a kid would responsible me up
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
