i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
