I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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