so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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