question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
