You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
