At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think I won the penis lottery.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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