tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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