You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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