Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
