Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
