Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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