I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
