could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mom said you looked used
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
